Silly Saturday - by Mark Hudson - "The Texan"

This piece needs a little introduction.  At a recent Prompt Group meeting, we played with a prompt from Ursula K. LeGuin called "No Punctuation."  The objective was to write a piece with absolutely no punctuation, from start to finish, as an exercise in understanding the role of grammar in our writing.  Her recommendation, if you can't think of something to write for the prompt, is to pick something with action such as the beginning of a battle or the first day of a large sale.

Mark Hudson, one of our regulars, read this poetic piece of alliteration and we roared by the end of it.  As you read it, try reading it out loud:  it'll make a real difference.  He added a few periods and commas, but we'll let him get away with it - you'll understand when you read it.  Awesome job, Mark!

I hope you enjoy! -A. Catherine Noon

"The Texan"
by Mark Hudson

The landlord told me that I had to get out the Texans were taking over the country and turning America into a giant Texas Tex the Texan was textin’ while I was reading a textbook, telling me to turn in the keys to his totalitarian tyrannical trickery I located the landlady and lavished a loud rant AND rave revolving around rent, reporting resentment about relocation referring to repulsive ricocheting ranch hands robbing me of my remaining rights. I tore up the lease and responded that my lawyer would love to list my loft locally, leaving limited love for the lone star local, letting a lobotomy loom literally left of the line between the legally loony and lost in limbo. Tex took a taxi to town to tolerate a timetable to tell me to take off to Timbuktu, and take my towels, tubs of books, toiletries, tapes and cds, turntable and toys, and try and take the turnpike to temporarily turn off and don’t trick or treat on the way to Tor’s techno-thriller table-top tournament. Slowly I turned, inch by inch, step by step, inch by inch, step by step, and told Tex to take his ZZ Top looking self back home.

Up In The Air

While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.'s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.

Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan."

An old Master Sergeant sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"

When the attendant came by he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

"Yes," said the attendant, "in fact, this entire crew is female."

"My God," he said, "I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing, Sergeant," said the crew member, "we no longer call it the Cockpit. It's The Box Office."

I knew it!

EDGE Science Fiction and Fantasy Publishing, Inc. Seeking Anthology Submissions

NOW OPEN FOR SUBMISSIONS

EDGE Science Fiction and Fantasy Publishing is delighted to announce that the Professor Challenger Anthology, is now open for submissions.

Submissions close May 31, 2012.

EDITORS

J.R. Campbell and Charles Prepolec.

WHAT WE'RE AFTER

A broad range of new and original stories built around Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's LOST WORLD character Professor George Edward Challenger. Stories derived from the aftermath of events in the Lost World are welcome however simply revisiting or rehashing the Lost World without good cause is not. Challenger is a man of science first and foremost, not an explorer. Mash-ups or crossovers with public domain literary characters are welcome.
For inspiration think X-files, Quartermass, DR. Who, cryptozoology, aliens among us, supernatural occurrences, science gone awry in a Dr. Moreau, Invisible Man, Dr Jekyll vein, nature run amuck, monsters large and small, world threatening cataclysm, Lovecraft mythos, think H.G. Wells, Jules Verne, E.R. Burroghs, John Wyndham, Nigel Kneale, alternate history, new lost places, steampunk, whatever -- Be creative.
Mine the potential for all it's worth! Push it out there, get weird, play, have fun!

SUBMISSION DETAILS: 

• The anthology is part invitation and part open submission. Priority will be given to invited authors but an invitation to submit is not a guarantee of acceptance. A minimum of two slots will be held for open submissions. Acceptance is based entirely on suitability of story and quality of writing.
• The maximum length for stories is 10,000 words, with shorter works preferred.
• Deadline: May 31, 2012 - midnight).
• Do not query before submitting.
• Email submissions to: mailto:%20Charles@bakerstreetdozen.com
• Emails MUST contain the word "submission" in the subject line, or they will be deleted automatically by the server. Please also include the story title in the subject line.
• Submissions MUST come in an attachment: Rich Text Format (.rtf) or Microsoft Word (.doc) are the only acceptable formats.
• Emails MUST contain a cover letter in the body of the email; for security reasons, email attachments with no cover letter will be deleted unread and unanswered.
• Cover letter: include your name, the title of your story, your full contact information (address, phone, email), and a brief bio. Do not describe or summarize the story.
• Reprints (stories having previously appeared in English in any format, print or electronic, including but not limited to any form of web publication) will NOT be considered.
• Submission format: no strange formatting, colour fonts, changing fonts, borders, backgrounds, etc. Leave italics in italics, NOT underlined. Put your full contact information on the first page (name, address, email address, phone). No headers, no footers, no page numbering. DO NOT leave a blank line between paragraphs. Indent paragraphs. ALWAYS put a # to indicate scene breaks (a blank line is NOT enough).
• ALWAYS include your full contact information (name/address/email/phone number) on the first page of the attached submission.
• This is a professional market paying up to 5 cents per word plus a single copy of the book. Full rate to 7,500 words, half rate for balance to 10,000 words.
• Rights: for original fiction, first World English publication, with a two-month exclusive from publication date; for all, non-exclusive anthology rights; all other rights remain with the author.
• Spelling: the editors will consider stories using British, Canadian and American spellings.
• Response time: initial responses (no / rewrite request / hold for further consideration) will be prompt, usually within fifteen days. Please query if you've not heard back within 30 days.
• We do not advise that you submit more than one story.
• Simultaneous submissions are not encouraged but are acceptable. Should you receive a "rewrite request" or "hold for further consideration" response, please indicate immediately whether your story is under consideration anywhere else.
• Publication date: TBA (trade paperback & e-Book).
• Email submissions to: Charles@bakerstreetdozen.com

Additional information can be found at http://www.edgewebsite.com/books/professorchallenger/pch-guidelines.html